I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
