It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
