Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We left an ass print on the piano.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
