Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
