You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
