don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
