I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
