Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
