just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
