I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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