I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
