I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
