I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
