Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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