i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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