I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I didn't notice because vodka
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
