wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
