i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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