even my farts smell like vagina
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Actions speak louder than pants.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
