the new term for farting is butt boxing.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
