everyone is single if you try hard enough
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
