K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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