this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
