I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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