rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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