I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
