My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize