What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
