This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
