apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
