yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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