Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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