Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
