We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
