She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
