Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
