I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't deserve a penis
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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