The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
