Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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