then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
