i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
