Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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