There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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