I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
