i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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