Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
