Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize