I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
