We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
