oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
