I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
