This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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