I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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