my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize