Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sorry about my life...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
