Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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