just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
