Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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