i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
