soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
