Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
