I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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