I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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