Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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