I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
