I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
