I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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