So drunk its hurt
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
im calling her cock vulture from now on
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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