im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
