god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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