lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
