Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
