I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
