Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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