I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
