she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize