yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
