you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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