You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
