idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
