Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
