Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
