My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
