Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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