i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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