I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
