If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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