fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
