Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
