So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
