If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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