margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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