That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize