sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
