if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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